“Thank You for the wilderness
Where I learned to thirst for Your presence
If I’d never known that place
How could I have known You are better?
And it’s worth it all just to know You more
You’ve done great things
Jesus, Your love never fails me
My soul will sing you have done great things
Thank You for the scars I bear
They declare that You are my healer
How could I have seen your strength
If You never showed me my weakness?
Through the fire and the flood You have never let me go
And my soul will sing You have done great things
I am weak, You are strong
You will always be my hope
And my soul will sing You have done great things”
THIS SONG Y’ALL. It makes this past year make sense. If Spotify could count, it would probably tell me I’ve played it 17,494 times this year. On repeat. There just aren’t many songs like it. How many songs can you think of that thank God for the wilderness, the scars, the fire and the flood? REALLY!!!! But that is LIFE. There are fires and floods and scars and I am so thankful we serve a God who is in control of each moment and working all things together FOR our good. (Rom 8:28)
Last October 19, I had one of the very best nights of my whole life. I went to Lamar Young Life, briefly shared my story with my friends there, got to sing Good, Good Father with 150 friends, wore a thyroid cancer awareness ribbon boa made by one of my precious girlies (shoutout to Zayra!!), and woke up the next morning at 4am for my 7:30am total thyroidectomy surgery.
Last October 20, I had a Most Blessed Day of Healing where Jesus used Dr. Karni to completely remove every cell of cancer from my body.
One year later, I am overwhelmed by God’s goodness and celebrating His healing.
I have a 3-inch scar across the center of my neck, and although I was terrified of it before my surgery, now on the other side, I love my scar. Every time I see it in the mirror, I am reminded that Jesus healed me. I am reminded that Satan’s plan for my life was to “steal, kill, and destroy, but JESUS came that I may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10). I’ll never “un-have” my scar, but I wouldn’t want that anyway, because that would mean that I’d “un-have” the season I got to walk through with Jesus – where I grew closer to Him than ever before. He used the pain to draw me close. And I would rather be closer to Him through pain than further away with no pain.
Gosh I wish I could remember that lesson in other parts of my life! That no matter the disappointment or pain or sadness, HE is using it (I trust and believe!!) for our GOOD that we’ll look back on in gratefulness!
I think I thought that once I got over the mighty mountain called Cancer, life would fall into place and be smooth sailing from there. But, it’s just not. There are still fires and floods and scars like the song says. The past few months have included a job change, a move, some heartbreak, and sadness with my friend Josh in the hospital in a coma right now, among other things. I even hesitated writing a blog post today because I can’t tie a cute little bow around life right now. But, that must be right where God wanted me. Back on my knees – looking to Him as fervently as I did last October 19.
In October 2015, despite pain and fear, I saw my FAITH in God soar as He came through, and I will not ever be the same.
He’s still writing your story and my story, you know. When we look back on today, what will we say in a year?
In October 2016, despite ______ and _______, I saw GOD come through by _________ and I will not ever be the same.
And we’ll be thankful for the scars we bear.
Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. // Hosea 6:1